"Terry called me crying because he almost dropped the baby. His one fucking day with her and she’s almost dead. Thanks for the spa day Terry. “
“I read in the paper about a lady who gave her husband an IQ test before they got married. He failed so she called it off. How come I wasn’t smart enough to think of that? lol”
“Terry forgot his sleep apnea mask. Now the room smells like hot ass and a bag of onions.”
“Is it wrong to tell your husband his mom’s dress looks like something you’d find a dead refugee in? No need to answer. He already told me it was. Ha!”
“Our anniversary? Disaster!!! Terry took me on a tour of our life. Where we met.  Where he proposed.  He spent a fortune on this trip just so we can visit the same trashy places in Paris we’ve already been? Lovely. Cabo is 600 miles closer to us but once again, oh so far away.”


I’m sending you these texts (all yours to me) as your best friend because today when you asked me why I thought Terry wanted to leave you and I said, “I don’t know”, I was lying. I know why. You should too.

Good Luck,



P.S. – I have a dozen more if you want to read them. You’re kind of awful to him.