Note From the Author:  The following was taken from the diary of my sister Mary last time I was home.  It was the only entry I read and it made me want to throw up.   Most of what’s below is the exact text.  I corrected some of her spelling and grammar but the essential phrasing is all her.  She writes like she talks even though she’s talking to herself.  It’s all really annoying.  You’ll see.


February 17, 2015

The one thing that Anthony kept telling everyone about his trip to New York was that he couldn’t believe that everyone had iPhones.  Even the poor black kids.  First time he said it though, he didn’t say “black kids”. He didn’t even say “poor”.  He just stayed with what he knew, that a lot of fucking people on the subway had iPhones.

But, ya know, over time, to prove the extravagance of his point, he started introducing the “poor” and “black” bit so much that the next handful of times I heard him tell it, those black kids seemed like the focus of the story.  Like “Even them!  Even they had iPhones!  The poor!  The black poor.”  

And I just figured he lead with that so that he wouldn’t have to support his idea later. And by later I mean right after I guess.  The sentence right after.  His next word of defense. His eyewitness testimony stated as evidence immediately after a “What do you mean?” or a “Come on, like who?”

Actually, no one really said that last thing.

I don’t know, maybe his shit worked, telling it like that.  Ya know, when he lead with that, people didn’t say much to refute what he said.

It took me till a while to realize that no one was saying anything because it just sounded so damn racist.

Not like racist racist, but racist in the way that would keep him from being able to

say what he always said to Danny’s black girlfriend.

“I don’t even see color”. 

I don’t know. The “poor black kids” thing (btw I’m tired of writing it so I’m just gonna call it pbk from now on) was just racist enough to make even his close friends stand there with that look on their face that says, “That’s racist.”  Few people actually said it though and it was always the friends who he considered more acquaintances than friends.

I’m kind of mad it took till then for me to hear it like they had heard it. I don’t know why.  Who knows.  But now I’m always thinking about it.  Both the idea and how the p.b.k. story has changed.

So of course now I’m always wondering if Anthony was a racist, which I know he isn’t but it made me think of another idea:

If you’re white, how long before you realize that your boyfriend is a racist.  Like there aren’t very many scenarios around here where I’d see him make a comment or do something that would get that racism meter going, you know?

I mean he hated Obama or didn’t really like him or whatever and after he got back from that guys’ camping weekend he milked the fuck out of that one joke where everything that went wrong he blamed on “fucking Obamacare”.

I think in hindsight it might be easier to tell if you’re dating a douchebag than a racist.  Anthony might have been a racist but I was very sure that the man I’m falling deeply in like with, is just a douchebag…But a smart one. Like one that’d probably be rich someday.

I’m too tired right now to list his qualities, but when I do I usually start with “nice”. But, you know, shit like that is always relative like “good in bed”.  It should be, ”nicer than most” or, “better in bed than most”.  I mean he’s great in bed, but then when we sit in his room watching porno on his laptop, I wonder why those girls are always having so much fun.  I mean even if it’s acting, which I know it is, doesn’t that mean that somebody somewhere, probably not in this state, but some-fucking-where is screaming her head off during intercourse.

I don’t know.

Is it racist if he says the N word during karaoke?

It wasn’t even on the screen and he said it. I don’t even listen to that rap crap but he knew just right where that N word went.

And since when is having an iPhone some giant sign of wealth. Maybe it’s just a thing that black people in New York like, or black people everywhere.

Who the fuck knows?

Anyways, Anthony wants to get an iPhone.

I’m curious to see the look on the black guy’s face at the AT&T store downtown when Anthony tells him the story.

I think I’m even more curious to see what he leaves out.